13 Comments

The Good Wife’s Guide

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I remember seeing this back in my Blue Pill days. I wondered how a woman could subject herself to this kind of treatment day by day, and what kind of piggish man could expect this kind of treatment. And yet, there is some wisdom here for housewives and SAHMs.

I don’t believe it’s all applicable today, in a modern Red Pill relationship, but let’s break it down, shall we?

Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Nothing wrong with this one. Agreed 100%. It’s not only for him, but out of love for your whole family. I even go so far as to plan an entire week ahead so I don’t have to really think about it, and try to do some of the prep ahead of time as well. When it comes to nutritious, healthy food, planning ahead is a necessity. It’s those moments when I try to think of something last minute that we end up with hotdogs and mac n cheese. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a junk meal every now and then on an especially rough day, but you can’t make that a daily occurrence.)

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

This has been on my mind lately. A fellow First Officer on the MMSL forums mentioned speaking to an older lady, who suggested meeting your husband at the door in makeup and a dress. I’m not sure I would go so far as a dress, but something other than pajamas is generally a good idea. If I get dressed and made up to go to Walmart to pick up milk, why not look nice for the one I love when he comes home? This also helps to remind me that even though I’m around children all day, I still have time to be an adult, and a sexy adult at that. It’s not only for him, it’s for me as well.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.

Generally a good idea, but if you’re already working all day to keep the house clean, not entirely necessary. Cleaning up toys at 5pm as opposed to 7pm isn’t logistically feasible in our house though, since everything will be taken out and thrown around again anyway. I would make this a children’s responsibility; having a set cleanup time everyday, no matter what, reinforces that clean is the norm.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

A bit outdated since we have central heating and cooling, but a fire in the fireplace on an especially cold winter day would be a great thing to come home to, no? And no “I’m too girly to get my hands dirty” here. Indeed, catering to his comfort does give me immense personal satisfaction. I wish we had a fireplace.

Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Meh. I love my husband, but no, sorry, I’m not adding that to my list of worries for the day. He may enjoy that I’ve out on makeup and perfume for him, but I don’t think he cares if the 2 year old is wearing pajamas with socks on her hands. I’m already doing laundry for 5 people and 2 little butts, I’m not adding another 3 wardrobe changes a day.

Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

Hahaha, quiet. Yeah, ok, that was funny. Agreed with the 2nd part, be happy and greet him with a hug and kiss. It’s important for kids to see that their parents are happy and affectionate with each other. I didn’t get enough of that when I was a kid… Seeing my parents happy and even hugging was a rare occurrence.

Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

Absofreakinlutely, and I’m terribly guilty of it. When the Captain gets home, I just want to lay all my problems at his feet, let go of the breath I feel like I’ve been holding all day, and just relax. That doesn’t help him to relax though… Guys have a tendency to want to fix problems, but most of the problems I lay at his feet aren’t really anything he can fix, so my need to vent just creates unnecessary stress. Instead of spewing it all out at once as I sometimes do, I can wait and talk about it later if I really need to. I should give him time to unwind, because he needs it just as much as I need it. I should assume that his problems are a big bigger than the babies not sleeping (though that certainly seems like a big problem to me in the moment). If he let me know by text that he’s going to be late, no reason to complain, but Captains should have the courtesy of informing their FO’s of any change of plans so dinner can be planned accordingly.

Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

I don’t know about taking off his shoes for him… He’s a grown man, I think he can manage. That’s going a tad far for me, though I wouldn’t be opposed to doing that every now and then as a treat. Also not sure about the drink; he usually has a beer with dinner, I’m not sure if he’d want one first thing in the door. I’ll have to ask him about that.

Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

I think that goes hand in hand with what I said above. However, that last part doesn’t really jive with modern Captain/First Officer philosophies. There should be mutual respect in a C/FO relationship. The FO can defer, but that doesn’t make his conversation more important, nor should she defer if there is actually something of great import she needs to bring up.

Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

I don’t think this really applies to me. I don’t expect him to take me out and entertain me during the week. That’s not the time for it. Perhaps that’s a problem for other people though, in which case I’d advise to rethink those expectations.

The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

Making the home a safe haven for everyone should be the goal. I should strive to keep my disagreements with the Captain to a minimum during the kids’ awake hours, and we certainly don’t yell or use harsh words.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place.

The Captain is responsible for steering the ship, but if the First Officer sees a cloaked Klingon vessel ahead, she should certainly question the Captain’s decision to lower the shields. ‘Nuff said.

13 comments on “The Good Wife’s Guide

  1. I received this guide in an email from a blue-pill friend. Here is more information:

    http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

    • So basically could be fake, but with accurate info. Good enough for me.

      “After having leafed through Fascinating Womanhood, I want to see it as a condensation of the worst of this particular “joy through subservience” era, a precipitate that showcased only the most servile aspects of what women were led to believe was their right and proper function (all the parts that didn’t portray them as handmaidens to the lord and master having been discarded to make the story better). Call it an exaggeration with a point, if you will. ”

      Hah.

      • Correct, it is fraudulent. It was most likely created by a feminist as a strawman of patriarchy. One clear sign that it is fake is the fact that there is no publication on record of “Housekeeping Monthly”
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Wife's_Guide

        Again you are correct that it does not matter for what reason the information was created. However, I find the irony of the origin to be fitting. This hoax was created to pat good feminists on the back (you have come a long way, baby. don’t look back now). The original author could not have dreamed of this (your) response. The response of good wives may seal the fate of the feminist movement.

        This is a great example of Poe’s law.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law

  2. Our house is never quiet, I do try to remember to switch the music playing to something he might like though.

  3. Good article and analysis. You understand this as a married woman, but do you know where the single girls who understand it are?!

  4. This is great. Printed it out and posted it up at work; reactions should be entertaining.

  5. Fantastic post. I believe that this can go hand in hand with what I just read about accepting average in our lives. If a woman wants a quality man, she should strive to be a quality woman; the true definition of quality, not just meeting the status quo. The problem is that most women today see these things as below who they think they are.

  6. There is a lot of truth there in that list. Some outdated yes, but some that can apply to a modern marriage for sure.

    I think a lot of people, women and men, interpret those items as sexist because it is an entire list about what a woman can do for a man and/or her family. There are no lists about what a man can do for a woman and/or his family.

    Therefore, it is deemed sexist because they picture a woman slaving away for the man and the kids.

    In reality, there is a lot that men today do for their wives and kids that would make items on this list “more acceptable” to the masses.

  7. I’ve always found it tragically amusing that “a woman slaving away for the man and the kids” is a terrible crime yet men [and now women, too] “slaving away for” for faceless, greedy, multinational corporations/organizations that have utterly no interest in the well–being of their employees [beyond their capacity to generate a profit] is not only acceptable but admirable.

    How is her working for him any different then him working for Boeing?

    They both do what they must for food and shelter.

    They both have an employment contract.

    They both have to do things they don’t want to do during the course of their careers.

    The difference [and it's a powerful one] being she is working for someone far more invested in her than he is.

    I never used to believe the conspiracy theories surrounding feminism.

    But this post has certainly opened my mind to the thought.

  8. * “slaving away for” faceless

    * any different than him

  9. This is verbatim in my copy of Fascinating Womanhood (revised edition). It is also contained in my Fascinating Womanhood online course Workbook.

    I think it’s great. Especially if you are a woman (like I once was) who believed that your husband was supposed to be YOUR helper and “wife” (because this is how my mother treated my father and me); this helps break down those societal and possibly familial ingrained behaviors that are destructive to the marriage.

    One exercise in my FW Workbook goes so far as to ask the wife to literally put on her husband’s dress shoes (wingtips, or whatever he wears to work – I guess it could be much bigger than wingtips!) and to go about her entire day in them, doing all her household and child care duties in them, so as to appreciate what it is like to “walk in his shoes” – literally!

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