Holy hell, this thread over on the MMSL forums hit me right in gut. Same age, same number of kids, married almost the same amount of time, red pill for a relatively short period of time, husband dies unexpectedly in his sleep. My heart is absolutely broken for her and her kids.
Part of the red pill for ladies is knowing that the SMV of a 30-something mother-of-three is pretty low. If I ever lost him, not only would I lose my companion, my love, my muse, my Captain… I’m pretty sure I’d be doomed to relationship solitude for the rest of my life. And even if I found myself falling for someone else, I’d probably feel so guilty about it I’d destroy it.
He doesn’t realize how much I worry about him sometimes. If I let my mind wander, boy does it go dark places. This scenario is my absolute worst fear, that he die in his sleep unexpectedly. If I wake up and he’s not snoring (he usually is), I watch him until I can see that he’s breathing. What an absurd thing to do. But I do, because I’m a worrier.
I start thinking of what I’d do. We have life insurance, but I worry that it’s not enough. I wonder where I’d go, because there’s no way I’d ever make enough money at a job to put 3 kids in daycare. Would I have to move in with my mom? How the hell would I even function? How could I sleep without his arm to touch, eat with the empty chair?
How would I deal with knowing that our marriage was shit for way longer than it was happy? What if we fought before it happened?
Someone needs to invent a way to hug through the Internet dammit. Because I need to hug this woman.
All our little crap problems are so tiny comparatively. Nothing like mortality to kick you in the face with some perspective.