The Red Pill for Women

I got a question over at The Red Pill reddit, and thought it best to expand here. What is the Red Pill for women? A lot of it is the opposite of the feminist crap we hear in media and from our former hippy moms. So here’s my list, feel free to comment with any additions you may think of.

1) Our looks matter. Femininity attracts masculinity. Deep down we all know this, but sometimes the siren song of “Just be yourself! He should love you for you!” overrides something that seems so obvious. And sometimes it’s just plain laziness. See: all the women and girls who go shopping in pajama pants and flip flops. A Red Pill lady strives to always look her best, for herself and the gentleman whose arm she’s holding. She never leaves the house without makeup. She works out to keep herself fit.

2) We are aware of The Wall. We don’t stay pretty forever. Again, we know this deep down, but see #1. We are certainly aware of new grey hairs, new wrinkles, sagging skin. But movies and television tells us that it’s perfectly reasonable to expect to have a ton of guys chasing us in our late 30′s/early 40′s. Eat Pray Love, right? The Red Pill woman acknowledges this, and realizes that the grass is NOT greener on the other side once she’s married. “Leaving to find yourself” has dire consequences… As in, you leave to find yourself alone. Or with someone who is a severe downgrade. There is no rich, handsome doctor to attach yourself to. There is no happy ending to this scenario. But we don’t despair, because of Wife Goggles, and because of #1. We are MILFs because we make ourselves such. (Or Cougars perhaps, for those who choose the kidless route!)

3) Sexual promiscuity has consequences.When you’ve spent your 20′s in and out of every bed in town, it makes having a happy, successful marriage very hard. If you happened to fall for one of those bad boys, and he set your Alpha mark at a very high level, the man you settle down with is screwed. He’ll never be able to live up to that ideal you’ve stored in your head. Not only that, but giving yourself to so many men dulls your ability to really connect sexually with another human being, and the sexual connection you share with your husband is important, perhaps most important. Because sex is what makes a marriage marriage, isn’t it? Without sex, marriage is just an expensive, complicated friendship.

4) We are emotional creatures. This can sometimes make us illogical. We tend to think with our hearts, and we’re encouraged to do so. How many times did we hear “Follow your heart!” when we were growing up? The “You Go Girl” mentality runs rampant. Red Pill ladies try to overrule their more whimsical desires to consider the consequences of following their heart. This ties in closely with #3.

5) We can’t “do it all”. When our moms told us that, they were setting us up for failure. No one can do it all. You cannot have enough time for both an overly demanding full-time career and a family. One will suffer. We have been set up for failure if we try. If your career can’t handle days off for sick kids, getting out early for snow days when school is cancelled, and a significant amount of maternity leave, you’re in for a hard time. See A Letter to my Daughter.

6) Men don’t WANT us to “do it all”. We’ve been told career is important, but men don’t give a lick if you’re an uber successful doctor if you’re at work 70 hours a week. In fact, it can be a detriment to the marriage. If you’re working so many hours that you can’t spend any time together, there’s no way that demanding job is a +1 in the “Awesome Wife” column. Red pill women realize that money and power from our careers don’t buy marital happiness. Sometimes a job is necessary given the circumstances, but it isn’t the necessity it’s made out to be.

7) Sex is necessary for marriage. If you fool around all through your twenties then settle down, you don’t get to cut your man off from your vagina without some consequences. There’s a fine line here that requires some communication though. The reason a lot of women end up cutting off the vagina-fun-zone is because they’re no longer attracted to their man. If that happens, it is absolutely a Red Pill Woman’s responsibility to initiate a State of the Marriage talk to fix it, if her husband hasn’t taken the initiative to do it himself. Follow the Two Week Rule.

8) Our men are our Captains. We voice our opinions, and certainly speak up if we think strongly about a particular topic, but the Captain has the bridge and makes the final call. This is a big, huge, sticky subject for most women. Hell, it’s still a sticky subject for me. But in terms of a dance, if both people are leading, you end up stepping on each others’ feet constantly. A dance only works when the man takes his woman’s hand, guides her body effortlessly, and she gracefully follows. He is conscious of every movement of her body, and she his. She melts into him and accepts his movements as her own. Her submissiveness and his dominance meld into a graceful, sensual display.

9) We are aware of hypergamy, and take these measures to counter it. We know the rules of attraction, isolation, and escalation. If we are married, we never allow ourselves into a situation where the second two can occur. Girls Night Out to the club is anathema. No lunch dates with male friends. We keep male “friends” at arm’s length, if at all. “It just happened” is never an excuse.

Note: I come at this angle from that of marriage and kids, so I’m leaving out some things when it comes to being single and not having kids. Obviously if two people don’t want kids (which is absolutely fine, no judgment from me), they shouldn’t have them, and a red pill woman would be all about carrying her financial weight with her career.

Note 2: 

So this has gotten a lot of traffic lately, and more than a few uncharitable comments…

If you don’t agree with what I wrote here, guess what? I didn’t write it for you. I write for a particular audience, and you’re not it.

If it doesn’t work for you? Great. Everyone’s different. Keep doing what you do.

Our marriage was in the shitter for years and years. We’re in a fantastic place now that we’ve found the red pill stuff. It works for us. It works for a lot of women, and we’re very happy with it.

So… Chill out. Calling me names doesn’t give any credence to what you’re saying. Or keep doing it, I don’t really care, they just won’t get published here.


48 comments on “The Red Pill for Women

  1. You also should have added …

    ALL women are naturally attracted to assholes, she’ll have to fight her natural instinct not to date one, but that is what she must do …

    If you want to instruct a daughter thats the most important part of the red pill you have to tell.

    Also avoid groups of women like the plague, they’re constant in fighting & competition, makes women toxic to relationships.

  2. The red pill commandments, perfectly stated.

  3. [...] — Mortality Musings, The Red Pill for WomenPretty touching post. I used to be occasionally hit by moments of fearing my own mortality — [...]

  4. The sad thing is if all this redpill stuff is to be believed is that girls can never have close friends at all. Only perhaps a pet somehow that doesn’t makes sense. Ik I’m off topic but I thought I should mention it anyway

    • I think we can have good girl friends, but guy friends, not really. It is what it is.

      • I have girl ‘friends’ at work, but that’s about it. We have pleasant conversation, some lunch here and there, but then we go home and generally don’t talk unless it’s business. There is no emotional talk. That’s the most I’m ever going to get out of a female friend from now on. When I’m not trying or wanting to be with her, it’s all quite simple and frivolous, but not a real friendship. I used to have real girl friends, but they were never really friends. I wanted them, all of them. That doesn’t make me an asshole, it just makes me a man.

    • I hear that from women a lot. And it just depends on how you look at it. You CAN have a friendship with a man. But never forget this: if you are remotely attractive YOUR MALE FRIENDS WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. If you become drunk, stoned, or so desperate for approval and offer them sex, THEY WILL TAKE IT. Friendship between the genders is only “platonic” in the sense that a man can accept “she’s not attracted to me, but we both like to play xbox, so I guess that’s ok.” If that’s a bad thing, if it invalidates the friendship that your male friend wants to have sex with you, then no, you can’t have a male friend. Unless he’s gay. Although when I was back in college I did have one really started female friend (whom yes – I wanted to have sex with) confide that she’d had sex with a gay male friend. She’s been blubbering over a relationship that ended badly and they’d gotten loaded. She offered him sex, and he took it.

  5. Oh btw hows ur back?

    • Doing much better thank you! My chiropractor has magic hands. I basically have a dislocated coccyx, but it’s definitely in better shape than it was last week. Going back on Wednesday.

  6. This is how it’s done ladies. You can be an intelligent, confident woman without trying to dominate your man in and out of the bedroom and treating all femininity and traditional female roles as an affront,

    Your point about femininity is one that I’ve been focused on a lot lately. Feminism looks to redefine the traits of femininity, masculinity, and alpha, but that just leads to misery. These are not traits that are up for debate. A red pill woman needs to realize that, just like the red pill man.

  7. Very good. But it needs an awareness of money. For example, in our current economic times people find the roles flipped with the women working and man at home and that transition often ends in divorce. There is an aspect of marriage that is a trade of resources; his financial/protecting for her mothering/procreative. The financial independence and submitting to other men (bosses) of a women working outside the home also is an unstabalizing affect. And we are now finding out that marriages where the chores fall along traditional gender lines are much better, contrary to the pleas of feminist ‘equality’.

  8. I’m Dannyfrom504, and I approve of this post.

    Yer a good egg darlin’.

  9. Thanks RPW for this awesome post. I am still having an internal battle at times…that red pill causes some reflux and I have to swallow it over and over. It is getting a bit easier to swallow. I am having an especially hard time with 5, 6, and 8…hell, at times I am having a hard time with all of them, but I know it is what is best for my marriage…I think I am going to print this out and tape it to my mirror…maybe that would help…especially with Levi so busy these days.

  10. Lots of this is such common sense – I’m always kind of ‘jaw on floor’ when I hear a woman in her thirties go into her three mile list of qualities she requires in a man, it’s like, “wake up sister, you missed the boat”. However, I wanted to ask if you agree that not all men would like someone who submits all the time. I think it’s possible to be have plenty of spunk/opinion without being a bitch, and it bears saying.

    • I think it’s possible to be both. Being a doormat is boring. Being playful, teasing, and opinionated makes life interesting, but while still following the general C/FO model it’s all good.

      I’m working on that. I seem to have two switches: obstinate stubborn bitch, and submissive doormat. There’s a balance there, just like balancing alpha and beta for guys that I haven’t quite mastered.

  11. Looking forward to your Reddit chat thingy. I will have to see if I can come up with a real doozie of a question…

  12. These are great – especially #7. When people ask us how we have stayed together for so long we say “lots & lots of sex”. If you think about it that is the only thing differentiating your relationship with your husband and all of your other close relationships.

  13. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve had tell me they couldn’t understand why try were single when: they were well educated, had a great job, made good money, etc. I always tell them the same thing.

    “You need to find a GF, us men don’t give a shit about what you just mentioned.”

    They look at me dumbfounded and some get argumentative. I just remind them I have a soft harem of 3 in NO and 2 in Jax. I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about.

    • As a man, I cannot believe how offensive that comment is to me. I care significantly about the abilities and personality of my partner. What use is a pretty subservient wife, you might as well have a slave, save yourself some money. I believe that both partners should be equal in the relationship, with responsibility being divided on the basis of ability rather than gender. The views of women and marriage in this article are archaic and as much as you promote them as in the “interests of women,” they only really serve to benefit men by allowing them to retain almost complete control within the marriage, while having very little culpability for any problems that arise.

  14. [...] gently mentioned that she should perhaps write about what she has to offer, how she will make the guy’s life better by dating her & she looked at me like I had a third [...]

  15. I co-sign, thumbs up.

  16. [...] – The red pill for women. [...]

  17. […] The Red Pill For Women (Red Pill Wifey) […]

  18. I couldn’t agree with this entire post more, and am so happy to have found it. I have felt the same since going to college (and was raised in a small town where relationship dynamics are similar to this in general), but almost all of my female friends have never understood my perspective. Even men thought I was nuts when I said I wanted traditional gender roles, etc.

    Furthermore, I do not have a bevy of close female friends – I get frustrated with the feminist nonsense most of them spew while telling me that I am “part of the problem” against them, along with their dramatic, little-princess antics. Since getting into my current LTR, the majority of my male friendships have fallen off; those remaining are with men who are also in an LTR, and it has become more of a “couple” friendship, meaning the four of us are friends, and generally spend time together in group settings.

    So, thank you. I’ll more than likely be a return visitor.

  19. So this has gotten a lot of traffic lately, and more than a few uncharitable comments…

    If you don’t agree with what I wrote here, guess what? I didn’t write it for you. I write for a particular audience, and you’re not it.

    If it doesn’t work for you? Great. Everyone’s different. Keep doing what you do.

    Our marriage was in the shitter for years and years. We’re in a fantastic place now that we’ve found the red pill stuff. It works for us. It works for a lot of women, and we’re very happy with it.

    So… Chill out. Calling me names doesn’t give any credence to what you’re saying. Or keep doing it, I don’t really care, they just won’t get published here.

    • Just wanted to say, you sound sane to me, but it’s hard to take you seriously when you moderate your comments and filter out the ones that are anything other than complimentary. That’s not really how a blog should work. If you really want an open dialogue on things, you would make it truly open. It smacks of dishonesty as well, as people coming to your blog are only going to see people saying “Omg, you changed my life!” rather than people who have constructive, helpful things to say. It’s like someone is trying to help you by telling you your fly is unzipped, but you cover your ears with your hands and shout “la la la” so you can’t hear them.

      Also, I’m glad to hear that your marriage is doing well because you changed your perspective, but perhaps the reason why it’s doing well is because now you’ve put yourself in a position inferior to that of your husband. Of course he’s happy because he got the better deal and you’re happy because you’ve deluded yourself into thinking this is how things should be. I would take a real hard look at your husband and stop doing what I’ve seen a lot of RPW do–take the blame for what are his problems. Just some food for thought.

      • Hey Kate.

        I don’t mind publishing comments that disagree. But unfortunately most of the ones that disagree include some choice words and insults that I choose not to respond to.

        Us being happier has nothing to do with me deluding myself… I’m incredibly independent. I don’t just bow to any whim of his. I follow his lead, but I throw in my opinion often. Our disagreements get heated. I’m not just some unthinking idiot that follows him around like a puppy dog waiting for direction. I make the vast majority of my own decisions.

        But as he’s stepped up and started bumping against me when he disagrees with me instead of just letting me get my way, and I’ve started to respect him more. And it makes him more attractive to me. In turn, I trust his judgment on most decisions. It’s an interesting dynamic, and one that truly works for us, and has nothing to do with self delusion. It’s unfortunate that women do this to each other… Just because my way is different than yours doesn’t automatically mean I’m deluded.

        • To each his own. I would just feel terribly undervalued if I was in a position that you are currently in. I was brought up learning that if someone truly loves me, he will treat me as his equal. Having to defer to my husband because he is my captain is like my worst nightmare. People are critical because they are concerned about you and people like you. Obviously I don’t know the exact dynamics of your marriage, but it’s easy to see how such an uneven power dynamic could result in an emotionally abusive relationship. I grew up in a culture where patriarchy is prevalent and the wife is expected to obey her husband no matter what and it led to the worst kind of marriage possible. Yelling, screaming, mind games, manipulation, put-downs, insults, and all manners of emotional abuse. It was awful and I often wished my parents would just get divorced instead of continuing to live like that. I hope you realize that when women are criticizing your lifestyle, we are really just trying to look out for one of our own. We wouldn’t want you to be in a similar situation. That’s all.

          • It’s really not like that… I haven’t written a lot lately because of my medical stuff and hectic life in general, but I’ve been pondering a sort of “Day in the Life” type post to give a better idea of how my day-to-day goes. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, it’s not a Total Power Exchange type relationship. It’s tough to explain. We’re equals in that we are both dignified human and we love each other dearly and want the best for one another, but we have different roles on our little spaceship. When he’s in a bind, either injured or stressed, I take over the bridge. He’s actually been taking over a lot of my duties since I’ve been feeling so bad, and I likely would have gotten even more sick and stressed if he hadn’t. It’s a partnership, just in a different sense. 

            I’ll try to explain more in a post later. Hope that’s at least a little clearer. 


            On Sun, Nov 3, 2013 at 9:48 PM, Adventures in Red Pill Wifery

          • “Yelling, screaming, mind games, manipulation, put-downs, insults, and all manners of emotional abuse. It was awful and I often wished my parents would just get divorced instead of continuing to live like that. ”

            That’s an extremely horrible household in which to be raised. If you think all male-led marriages are like that, I can see why you’d think that it’s a bad situation. However, it’s not. It seems like you’re generalizing from one example ( http://lesswrong.com/lw/dr/generalizing_from_one_example/ )

          • Abusive situations are bad, but I’m not sure I see the problem with the “captain” concept. To expand, I’ve generally heard it said, “Captain-1st officer.” We acknowledge the usefulness of relational hierarchies in a variety of places in human society without describing the dynamic as abusive. President-Vice President is another example. I’m not saying that a marriage is the same as running a corporation or that you want the same dynamic; but we’re able to recognize in all other situations that having one person that is ultimately the leader is actually beneficial and doesn’t cancel out the contributions of the others. Abuse of power is just that–an abuse of a position that arises from character deficiencies within that person.

      • “That’s not really how a blog should work.”
        How should it work? Did she miss the manual? Is there a Blogging Constitution somewhere? Sure, there are cultural norms, but I don’t think that there’s a NIST ruling on how a blog should work. Did you mean to say that’s not how you think a blog should work, an opinion, but instead stated it as a fact?


  20. I am glad to have come across this page that summarises some of the red pill stuff for women. I have been constantly researching stuff about this for a while now. Here are a few of my thoughts and I kindly invite responses or advice from others regarding this, I want to create an internal ‘red pill’ manifesto of my own so I have to consider a few issues…

    1) Our looks matter – I have always been ‘fattist’ and don’t have much sympathy for the fatties or people that ‘let them selves go’. Directly relates to this type of thinking. I know I’ll always prioritise keeping fit. I have had fat male friends whom I liked so much but they fat just made the thought of sex intolerable. Healthy, active, not skinny, not fat, is great. Although I have to admit that I have become ‘lazy’ ish over the last few years. I stopped wearing make up and only apply small amounts for important events or red lip-stick for nights out. Most days I’m all-natural and I prefer it that way, make up ruins your skin and I can’t be bothered to put it on and off. Saying this thought, in the future when I’m getting wrinkly I’ll probably wear more then. I indeed care about my looks. I’ve had quite a few discussions about the concepts of beauty and I really don’t think people are really honest about this. I’ve spoken about how there is a universal standard of beauty and we realise it when it’s presented to us. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, when you know what level of beauty you can aim for!

    2) We are aware of the wall – Agreement about this – I’ve met quite a few women who are slightly delusional about their chances as they get older. I left to ‘find myself ‘ from a long term relationship at aged 23 and I still regret that decision sometimes as he was a grade A guy. But I learnt!

    3) Sexual promiscuity has consequences – This is a tricky, sticky issue for me. I am in the twenties still (27) I have put that promiscuous behaviour behind me now – but I was quite free and slept with a high number in a short space of time.
    ‘When you’ve spent your 20′s in and out of every bed in town, it makes having a happy, successful marriage very hard. If you happened to fall for one of those bad boys, and he set your Alpha mark at a very high level, the man you settle down with is screwed. He’ll never be able to live up to that ideal you’ve stored in your head.’ – im not sure I agree with this entirely, I do think that too much casual sex can be damaging which is why I strived to stop, but it depends on the reasons why you having the sex, were you trying to catch the bad boys? Was your self-esteem low? Are you a sex addict? Do you have a high libido?
    I’m also not totally convinced about this, the capacity to love is always there if you are healthy emotionally. There are people who are not promiscuous who don’t have the capacity to love due to emotional blockages not caused by having lots of sex….
    I also feel that this opinion that is promoted by certain blogs doesn’t take into the fact that most guys in the west are not in a rush to settle down at all. They want to spend some years being non-committal and having sex. So what are women suppose to do? Be virgins for 5-10 years? Women want to have sex to. I’m not saying that long term relationships that start in the early twenties don’t last thorough out, but I am seeing less of these in my generations. Most of my peers have seemed to follow the pattern of: LTR from 18 – mid twenties. Most young people I know would see this relationship as the one that they learn about relationships from. Maybe a Couple of years of dating/casual, then either progress a casual thing into more or start a fresh for a LTR, get married by 30-35. This opinion is expressed by both men and women. I’ve rarely seen this ‘lonely beta’ that has been spoken about. The one who would of settled down with a girl at 23 if she was ready too. The couples I know who have been together for a long time (since 16/18 ish) are the minority.
    I also disagree with the ‘comparing of the husband to the high Alpha mark’. Although I have no particular argument as to why in this case, In my personal experience I slept with betas and alphas. In fact I could only name about 3 alphas out of my 40 odd number.
    Humans learn by experience, if humans need to experience a relationship with the wrong person before they get married then why is that a bad thing? Seems like a more successful strategy than just marrying your school sweet heart to me. But I digress.
    In going back to the promiscuous thing – I don’t agree that it significantly reduces the sexual connection, because each sexual experience is different. Unique. I’ve also heard that promiscuous ladies are more likely to cheat – whilst I can see some logic to that, I think that cheating behavior is the indicator of future cheating – not casual sex. People can and do change. Isn’t that what living is about? Learning from experiences?

    4) We are emotional creatures – I agree with this whole heartedly.

    5) We can’t do it all – Agreed!

    6) Men don’t want us to do it all – Somewhat agree. I’ve met quite a few mid twenties guys who embrace the female being the main breadwinner and they as the part time worker/stay at home dad. It’s interesting to hear these opinions.

    7) Sex is necessary for marriage – Feeding on my thoughts about sex, I generally feel that as a society we still a bit to conservative. I think that a more open attitude to who we have sex with would benefit us all – so I don’t see any issues with bringing in another person for sex into my future marriage IF it was ever needed. I do not want to ever have a sexless marriage, no matter what blood happens – its my ideas of hell on earth.

    8) Our men are our captains – This makes total sense to me. When my man takes the lead or control I trust, I submit to him and I know he’ll make the right decision for us. It just feels right. I can’t explain it any other way. I love being spun around in salsa dancing! My current man is new in my life, only 5 months and he has the traits of the taking the lead most of the time. I feel resistance sometimes, but its natural, especially when you had drag yourself up in childhood like I did!

    9) We are aware of hypergamy – this is interesting because I work in the clubbing and events entertainment industry. So I hang out in clubs/venues often and it’s my social group, but it’s a group who are ‘into the music’. I already can’t stand the girls night out to the club, I go for friends birthdays occasionally but its not my thing at all. Male friends will drop off naturally as my relationship progresses I suspect as the ones who realize that I’m taken wont stick around….but I really would like to be able to socialize with both sexes without having a secret agenda….sigh.

  21. Hey! Keep up the good work. Don’t listen to the naysayers or let them get you down. (probably redundant advice, but still true…) #tweeted

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