18 Comments

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty…

Coinciding with Athol’s post about Diffuse Energy Sets and Why The MAP Only Does Everything, I feel fantastic right now.

And that’s a huge change for me. I don’t think I’ve felt good about myself since maybe the first year Captain M and I were dating. Self esteem is not my strong suit, and never has been. Even when we were dating, there were many moments of feeling fat and ugly. I was skinny as a rail and had 20 year old boobs then, so I don’t know what I was thinking.

And it’s not just the weight, even though that’s a huge part of it. It’s hard to explain. I just feel like I can actually accomplish things. I’m not so tired that I can’t get anything done during the day. I’m not so depressed that I can’t bother to take care of myself. I’m not eating to comfort myself (while simultaneously making me feel awful). I can sleep and walk around the house naked without worrying about Captain M seeing my body; I’m pretty sure he didn’t see me completely naked for a solid 6 years. I don’t feel like I need a nap during the day. I’m planning for the future. I just feel…. good. Hopeful. Well, maybe most of that is related to my weight. “Fat Acceptance” is such bullshit. My fat hamster made me miserable. But at least I can still eat bacon. Mmmm bacon. God bless paleo.

A lot of the credit is surely Captain M’s. It’s easier to be happier around someone that is happy, and most of all confident. He also kicks me out of the house to work out or just get coffee pretty often, so I’m not feeling as claustrophobic in the house as I was before. He seems to know how to handle my bouts of crazy better. He knows how to tie knots.

And warm weather is here, so more opportunities to take the kids (and me) out in the sunshine, at least until it gets in the unbearable 100′s.

I’m coming out of a 10 year funk, and it feels great.

Here’s a funny link for your Monday: 24 People Who Are Really Nailing This Parenting Thing

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18 comments on “I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty…

  1. I’m so glad for you both.

    • Thank you sir! How goes the book writing?

      • I’m making progress on the writing. Close to the end of the first draft. The forum is a horrible distraction though and trying to both ignore it and stop it from rewriting the brand out from under me at the same time. I’m not really succeeding on either front though.

        Only about 20% overlap with the Primer material and even that is very much reworked. Both books are going to be viable. I don’t think anyone will feel cheated if they have both.

        That’s about all I can say. :-)

  2. It’s pretty awesome to finally feel like you’re getting to where you want to be. Change the baseline to a higher plane. Nice!

  3. Meant to tell you you were looking good when we met up. Glad to hear about the bright outlook.

  4. Meant to tell you you were looking good when we met up. Glad to hear about the bright outlook.

  5. Great post, so happy for you!

    Fat acceptance is a bunch of B.S. isn’t it?

    • Yup. I was at my most miserable in life when I was trying to convince myself that being 210lbs was ok, and I’m a beautiful and unique snowflake, and all that.

  6. So glad you are feeling so great…it’s inspiring:) I always seem to do better when Levi is “solid”. Glad you are getting out of the house too! Otherwise those four walls start to close in.

  7. Very awesome RPW!!!!

  8. Good for you. I’m glad you’re in a good place. Love the “Get along” shirt by the way.

    Looking good and feeling healthy definitely affects how you feel about yourself and how you act around others. Isn’t it nice not to have to pull the sheet over yourself or shut off the lights when your husband wants to be intimate?

    I definitely feel much more relaxed and free since making a concerted effort to get in shape several years ago. You’re right about the nice weather being a great motivator. This was our first warm week in Vermont and I’ve definitely been inspired to get outside and get moving both by myself to exercise and with my kids to have fun.

  9. Congrats on de-funkifying. Glad you’re feeling better.

    Those parents are awesome.

  10. Submission from a high value woman is of value. Submission is not about making you a low value one. Your needs are always important.

    • Thank you for stating this. My Captain always reminds me I have a voice, but his word is still final. Submission is the highest form of respect I can show him and in return I receive his adoration. It’s a win-win always…

    • Thank you for stating this. My Captain always reminds me I have a voice, but his word is still final. Submission is the highest form of respect I can show him and in return I receive his adoration. It’s a win-win always…

  11. Haha you are always nice to the trolls, I actually think being nice is probably a good solution, cause most of them want attention in the form of a venomous response anyway.

    Glad to hear things are going great with you two and more importantly, that you are feeling better about yourself. Very uplifting to read.

    ~PB

  12. […] My question, is why was she so-fucking-angry?  She had a 55-gallon drum of soda or vodka or whatever and ate not one, not two, but FOUR cheese pretzels during the 3 hour meet.  All dutifully fetched by her man.  Why did he tolerate that behavior? Why did he feed the silly cow constantly with grains and ghetto cheddar?  Was he avoiding her wrath if she didn’t have food to stuff in her big face?  Most importantly of all, why was she so unhappy? Could it be related to this: […]

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