Coinciding with Athol’s post about Diffuse Energy Sets and Why The MAP Only Does Everything, I feel fantastic right now.
And that’s a huge change for me. I don’t think I’ve felt good about myself since maybe the first year Captain M and I were dating. Self esteem is not my strong suit, and never has been. Even when we were dating, there were many moments of feeling fat and ugly. I was skinny as a rail and had 20 year old boobs then, so I don’t know what I was thinking.
And it’s not just the weight, even though that’s a huge part of it. It’s hard to explain. I just feel like I can actually accomplish things. I’m not so tired that I can’t get anything done during the day. I’m not so depressed that I can’t bother to take care of myself. I’m not eating to comfort myself (while simultaneously making me feel awful). I can sleep and walk around the house naked without worrying about Captain M seeing my body; I’m pretty sure he didn’t see me completely naked for a solid 6 years. I don’t feel like I need a nap during the day. I’m planning for the future. I just feel…. good. Hopeful. Well, maybe most of that is related to my weight. “Fat Acceptance” is such bullshit. My fat hamster made me miserable. But at least I can still eat bacon. Mmmm bacon. God bless paleo.
A lot of the credit is surely Captain M’s. It’s easier to be happier around someone that is happy, and most of all confident. He also kicks me out of the house to work out or just get coffee pretty often, so I’m not feeling as claustrophobic in the house as I was before. He seems to know how to handle my bouts of crazy better. He knows how to tie knots.
And warm weather is here, so more opportunities to take the kids (and me) out in the sunshine, at least until it gets in the unbearable 100′s.
I’m coming out of a 10 year funk, and it feels great.
Here’s a funny link for your Monday: 24 People Who Are Really Nailing This Parenting Thing